An Ode to My Prozac

The orange bottle wrapped in white pharmacy instructions sits next to a mug that reads Mercury Is In Retrograde. It holds Four Pilot G2s and some of those old school Bic’s with the different color options. This little stash of necessities also includes a bottle of jasmine body oil, a deck of affirmation cards, and a bottle of super strength CBD oil.

Take 1 capsule by mouth every day, the bottle directs. The day I picked my prescription up from CVS, I felt disappointed in myself for needing an antidepressant again. I’d been off of my old medication since April — I didn’t believe it was working, and I wanted to see what would happen when I wasn’t taking anything. For a while, I felt better. I had definitely been given the wrong prescription based on a diagnosis that neither myself or my therapist felt was accurate. Removing that medicine from my system seemed to reset me to a steady baseline — one that was very, very low (but at least I wasn’t having terrible mood swings, right?). But as the months wore on, I felt worse and worse. Everything felt awful — even the things that I wanted to be happy about felt like they were pulling me into a thrashing sea of fear and overwhelming sadness.

Eventually, I found a new psychiatrist, one that really listened to my concerns and was thoughtful in his approach to diagnosing me.