The Worse I Am at Something, the More I Enjoy It

(aka How a Perfectionist Mantra Kept Me From Experiencing Joy)

Growing up, I enjoyed writing; I penned an entire sequel to The Neverending Story in 4th grade (this is before there was an actual sequel). I wrote angsty poems and filled journal after journal with plans for my grown-up life. Because I enjoyed writing and had a knack for it, my parents told everyone — and I do mean everyone — “Christina’s a writer.” Being told from such a young age that I was something (writer), I believed that I was a writer. Not that writing was something I was good at. Or something I enjoyed. But that it was an activity that was inherently intertwined with who I was as a person.

When I would show interest in a different hobby (at different points, I wanted to take up spying, calligraphy, painting, guitar, and skateboarding), my parents reminded me that what I was good at was writing. This secured a fixed mindset, which is when you believe that the basic qualities you possess, like intelligence or talents, are simply are what they are and there’s no changing them. The opposite — and healthier, more productive — mindset is a growth mindset, where you believe that talent and smarts can be developed.

Part of my fixed mindset as a child was centered around a phrase my step-dad played on a…